Granted, but it devours you.

I wish the federal government would stop raiding local medical marijuana dispensaries. It's legal on a state level in California, let us govern ourselves! People need safe organic medicine instead of those pharmaceutical prescription drugs with detrimental physical and mental side effects.

Granted, but the federal government only stops their raiding to smoke the local dispenseries out of existance. The ensuing munchies will be so intense that it will be nigh-impossible for anyone else to acquire fast food for weeks after the fact.

I wish textbooks were inexpensive~

Granted, but the price of going to college increases tenfold

I wish I had a lifetime supply of Snapple.

GRANTED!! you drown in all the Snapple and your body is never found.

I wish that I had a ticket to live in one of the Vaults from Fallout.

Granted, but it's empty and you're locked inside.

I wish my neighbor hood wasn't so damn noisy.

Granted, but it's only quiet because your neighbors rank among the undead.

I wish Canon's "Error 99" didn't exist!

Granted, a new firmware comes out to fix your camera body, but your battery fails during the update and bricks your camera. Unfortunately, you do this outside of your warranty.

I wish the CF card I just bought for my camera didn't Err 02 on me after being less than half full.

Wish granted. It now works perfectly, but get stolen immediately afterward.

I wish I could meet my closest friend in real life.

Granted!! He is a perv

I wish dumb people didn't think they were the smartest.

Granted, but the douches become even douchier, the ass holes become bigger ass holes, and the dicks become dickier.

I wish girls would stop saying "no" to butt sex.

Granted! Now they want butt sex all the time... except they're into pegging and want to be the one giving, not receiving.

I wish my hair wasn't so poofy.

Granted! It then turns lime green and spreads over your whole body.

I wish I could get to sleep before the sun comes up.

GRANTED!! You never wake up.

I wish some people would act more mature (by people I mean people I know need to grow up).

Granted. They grow up so much that they now act like grumpy old people constantly complaining about how screwed up the current generation is, and how much better everything was when their parents were growing up.

I wish I didn't have classes tomorrow.

GRANTD!! Your school blows up

I wish we would bring NASA back

Wish granted. The Native American Student Association is brought back... but that's not the "NASA" you were talking about, was it?

I wish I had a big lobster dinner.

GRANTED!! The lobster had you for dinner.

I wish people knew how to show courtesy.

Granted, but now everyone's so obsessed with courtesy that they nitpick every single tiny thing you do that they think isn't courteous.

I wish I had the mythology textbook I need for class.

GRANTED!! Turns out its a guild to Persona 5 and you fail the class with a D... because of a lack of homework.

I wish time travel wasnt such a hassle.